Introductions

I've got no idea how to start this, so let's just start by introducing the cast

First, we have Dan Hudson, lazy fatass extraoridinaire. Not by any means a bad guy, Dan is just opposed to moving around on principal. After all, if you're already somewhere, isn't going somewhere else just extra work?

Though quite dapper when necessary (see above), this mentality extends to a refusal to clean up after himself and, most of the time, to even put on pants.


Traits: Loner, couch potato, hates the outdoors, slob, inappropriate.


Lifetime wish: One man band - master every instrument skill. No small feat for someone who'd probably prefer not to move his arms around so much.

The wild Dan in its natural state.

Next we have Andrew Dobson. He hates art, so... he's a cartoonist? Dramatic as he is neurotic, the only thing that scares him more than failure is success. A mean-spirited shell of a man, you'd be hard pressed to find a bigger loser.

Lifetime wish: Visionary - master the painting and photography skills. He won't be doing this, however - improving is for lesser artists, Dobson is a cartoonist.

Mom, I'm a CARTOONIST, not a PAINER

Next is Kate Beaton, the artist behind Hark, a Vagrant, as a kind of anti-Dobson. Hopefully including her isn't creepy, I can't see why it would be any creepier than including Dobson but whatever. Thoughtful and introspective, a lover of history, and caring towards all living things, Kate more than anything just wants to art.

Traits: Artistic (duh), good, friendly, easily impressed, loves the outdoors.

Lifetime wish: Illustrious author - master the painting and writing skills.

I couldn't come up with any captions?

Stig doesn't really "do" formal wear.

And finally, we have Stig Haugen. This insane viking hails all the way from Norway, where he was head of a roving band of super cool metal as fuck bros (he's cooler than he looks). Unusually hot-headed for a total bro, his bad luck has left him a bit of a daredevil, disillusioned with the veil of modern society. He's like, seen past it all, bro. A sentence that has virtuoso in it.

Lifetime wish: Rock star - reach level 10 of the musician career track. Passion for the craft alone is all well and good, but he's going to need to be mad popular to get his message out to all the fken White Souls.

Alright, that's the cast, now how about the house?

The exterior. Uh, charming.

The main floor. A bit sparse, and terribly ugly, but not so bad, I suppose. 

I made it so large because otherwise their pathing will constantly screw up and two of them will get stuck trying to reach the fridge at the same time until one starves to death or something. Just pretend they exist in the same universe as Max Payne 1 and it'll all make sense.

Ok, maybe these parts don't quite make sense. Whatever, let's take a look at the second floor.

Uhh... wait, what's that floor made of? Is that...

Is that corrugated metal?

Yes, yes it is. Maybe we should look at the lot description, I'm starting to wonder why this place was so cheap.

Well, I guess we already own the place. Gonna have to live with it. I'm sure it won't matter.

The bedrooms. I'm surprised they aren't bunk beds. Surely a halfway house this large for only two people is a waste of taxpayer money?

And the warden's room. Ok, now THIS is a waste. I'm pretty sure this is nicer than the entire main floor.

That's it for this update! Tune in next time I decide to be sufficiently autistic to see our sims actually start doing things! Or maybe they'll all just sit around watching TV forever, who can say.

Getting Settled

I am very creative good name comer upper with person.

Much like an actual baby, manbaby Dobson, immediately upon being thrown kicking and screaming into the world, is worried about his stomach.

Stig, of course, already knows what he wants to do in life, and immediately rolls this want. We'll get right on that.

Dobson, meanwhile, considers himself a fatter, less fashionable Arsène Lupin. Ooh, it will be just like my animes French novels!

Dan, in contrast, imagines himself to be a fatter Sherlock Holmes. I can't wait to see what kind of wacky cat and mouse hijinks these two get up to!

Being crowded outside with.. the 3 people he lives with is getting to Dan though. If this is already too much, he might have trouble dealing with a crime scene.

Our intrepid heroes all slowly shamble inside.

And Dobson immediately makes a beeline for the fridge!

And immediately sets to work on an autumn salad? Eh, food's food I guess.

Stig and Kate, meanwhile, check out the rather.. unique, second floor.

Stig is pleased by this bed.

Kate, on the other hand, is actually fucking ecstatic.

Everyone has this moodlet whenever they move into a furnished house, even if it's furnished with semen-stained cots and creepy rabbit paintings.

Dan decides which instrument he wants to learn first, and as a man of distinction and class, it's the most versatile instrument of all - the piano.

Then our resident man of class makes this face while thinking about food.

Before deciding he'd rather read instead. Our fat guys aren't exactly acting their weight.

Stig rolls this want. Obviously it will be very important for the coming revolution, bro.

Despite Dobson's salad sitting there, Kate decides to do some cooking of her own. 

Despite being the thinnest housemate, I suppose Kate decided she needed something a bit more, hmm, college, perhaps. Still, the house started with very little money, and they're spending it about as fast as they can. Someone's going to have to get a job, or they run the risk of having the rabbit painting repo'd, and that would just be awful!

Dobson spends the next hour looking forlornly out the window. This will be happening quite a bit.

He decides to try looking out of the windows upstairs, but starts to cry when he realizes he's not 8 feet tall.

He then freaks out about beds. I think.

Dan, despite being painfully hungry, continues reading, when suddenly-

He starts flailing his arms and shouting to nobody in particular about how hungry he is, but makes no effort to actually do anything about it!

God I really had no idea the sims was this realistic. Although I'm actually more interested in that exchange between Stig and Dobson in the background, let's see what the deal is with that.

This doesn't really help me figure out the fabled "deal", but it does look like Stig has an idea.

A very bad, no good, rotten idea. What is he thinking?

Dobson decides to "talk about conspiracies" with Stig. Stig, meanwhile, considers the merits of metal doors that can be locked from the outside.

 It's like the entire world is out to get me, you know?

 I hear ya man, it's the fken Illuminatis, always tryin to keep a bro down.

It turns out Stig is a firm believer in pretty much every conspiracy theory ever, and their relationship improves. But then-

 Hold up, you believe that kiddy nonsense for baby children?

 The fuck you just say, bro?

Whoa, chill out, I- I'm calling 911!

That.. didn't go very well. Oh well!

While this was going on, Dan finally found himself some food. But in another totally shocking twist, he's opted for Dobsons autumn salad. Kate, meanwhile...

Uh, Kate?

Kate.. contemplates her subject.

Once they're finished eating, Kate and Dan head up to bed, each opting for one of the humble prison-beds. Shortly after, Dobson claims the master bedroom.

Stig, meanwhile, is in a foul mood, still shaken up about being called a baby child. He decides to let off some steam by browsing the internet.

Although some might say he gets a bit too into it.

Others might even say he's addicted

Finally, as 2 AM rolls around he stops.. and sits there, staring at the blank monitor for 15 minutes. Maybe he no longer knows what to do with his life. Perhaps he's forgotten that he has a physical body at all?

Regardless, he eventually remembers how to move, and curls up on the couch.

And that's the end of day 1. Things will probably move a bit faster from here as I focus less on the minutiae, but for now that's it!